Me as Meursault

Me as Meursault (PMxvii)

At the top of every hour he

heard the click on the door

as the guard looked in through

the slot to make sure he hadn't

cheated the guillotine.

Why didn't they just leave

the fucking thing open so he

wouldn't have to feel that noise

so violently every night.

He had only one days left,

five to be exact.

The Governor had told him

to kiss his ass and that was it,

there would be no last minute

reprieve.

They had tested the guillotine

yesterday using sugar cane.

They had made a bundle of

about a dozen poles and then

sliced them in half.

Sweet water seeped out of the

ends of the cane,

and the guards gave them

to the squealing children,

who lapped it up, he hoped

they had cleaned the blade well.

He had found a roach in his

soup that day at lunch,

swimming on the edge of the

bowl, half drowned yet still

making that effort to survive

by getting out of the bowl.

He was not to be so lucky,

his bowl was too large and he

was already too wet,

he rescued the roach and put

him on the window to dry out

in the sun and escape.

He had chosen his last meal,

flattened duck with black bean

sauce and parisienne potatoes,

leeks and green beans.

For dessert, a butterscotch

sundae with pralines and

toffee crumbs.

They were very good with

their last meals,

and they would serve it

to you at noon so you

had at least twelve hours

to digest some of it.

There was nothing else to do

now but while away the

hours, it could now bw

measured in hours, until

his life ended in a glint

of steel followed by an

incredibly fast gush of

blood.

It would be embarrassing,

knowing his body would roll

off into a cart and his head

would fall forward into a basket.

He shivered as he pictured his

end and then sighed,

lighting up another cigarette

he tried to cry but the tears

would not come,

he had forgotten how.

Angrily he got up and checked

on the roach he had left on

the window.

It had moved and was almost

beyond the bars.

Using his cigarette, he burnt its

abdomen,

watching it curl up into a

charred ball he felt at

peace and understood why

he would receive no clemency.

MCC