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The rain beat down on the window,
lulling me to sleep and keeping me awake
at the same time.
I looked up but couldn't see, pure darkness
except for the occasional flash of lightning
that illuminated the room for a few brief
seconds, actually making things eerie
and more frightening.
The luminous dials on the clock showed
four-thirty, not enough time for a good sleep
but not late enough to completely give up
and rise to start another day.
The fear had set in long before the loneliness
and I clenched my eyelids tight hoping
that whatever was there didn't exist, or
at least would go away.
Opening my eyes would only bring it to
life, I could see no evil and there would
be no evil.
I could picture any over-exaggerated,
sabre-toothed monster which would quickly
turn comical and I could just laugh
the fear away.
Other times I would overdo it and absolutely
scare the shit out of myself.
I could try to scream out a name or
be primal, but nothing would elicit from
my throat as I tried in vain to force the air out
of it. Nobody around to hear the scream
anyway, the people upstairs screamed all
the time and I never went up there to see
what was the matter, I didn't care about
them so why should they care about me.
I rose finally, shaking off the mental pictures
I had created and went to lie on the couch,
the living room was brighter and dawn was
making an entrance.
As I looked outside I could see the trees,
indistinctly but I knew they were there. It was
still raining and the whole world had
become wet overnight, the snow was almost all
melted and an eerie, greenish brown lies
underneath, yet carrying the hope that
spring is going to come sooner or later. I lay
on the couch facing the front window and the
sky is appearing painted in loneliness, I watch
as the dawn slowly uncovers everything and
reminds me where I am.
After preparing a pot of
coffee and lighting a smoke, I ponder the future and
try and decide if I should search for a job
that day.
MCC
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