Letting Go of the Reigns

I have considered the idea of becoming pharmaceutical free on many occasions. The majority of people have tried to talk me into it and of these the majority have no experience in kicking a drug addiction. The fact that the drug addiction is medically sanctioned hinders those who say you should listen to your doctor no matter how many Fifth Estate reruns make an attempt to discourage medications that have too many side-effects even though mind numbing dementia is not always a great alternative.
The medical profession is geared to drug us all up and to use as much of their product that is permissible within most drug plans. They rarely check to see if you are getting better and seem more interested in adjusting all the medicine they are giving you than weaning you off the ones that are causing you the real harm.

Specifically speaking about anti-depressants I have come to a number of conclusions. First of all they take away the depression you are feeling, but they replace it with a numbness and emptiness that might get you through the day but does not address the fact that you are still sick. They raise up the dosage until you reach a level that you can function with, make you go back to work and assume you will gradually bore yourself back into a misconception that you were once happy. After a while the tedium becomes too much to take and you actually reach another level of depression that can't be treated because you are depressed about being depressed!

The imediate effects of going cold-turkey on a SSRI is a jolt of electricity rushing through your brain, reminding you of what it was to feel something. It is followed by violent mood-swings, outrageous and bizarre nightmares and a gigantic hatred of anything that might bother you, like traffic, waiting in line at a grocery store, or even a thoughtless neighbor letting their dog take a shit on your lawn and then not picking it up.

I usually start taking the pills again when the nightmares become too vivid or I find I am acting strangely and then not remembering about it. Sleep becomes almost impossible, due to the nightmares and sweats and its at this point that I realize what an awful effect these chemicals have had on my brain and I worry the longer I take them, the harder it will be to finally one day let them go.

As you can see, a conundrum, damned if you do and damned if you don't, the paradox rages on and it keeps getting heavier and heavier until you just wish Flanders was dead........