TRINKET?

Trinket?
PM 1301202

The exhaust fumes have turned

into a huge cloud outside my

window and I fear to open the door

or to tread outside for fear I will

swallow the poison and lie dead

on the ground, under the grating of 

the steps I tried to make my escape

from. The drivers are all laughing

through their gas-masks as they long

knew the danger but refused to divulge

it to us just in case there was a 

shortage.

I have no gas-mask, I left it in

the bunker of the apartment building

I was living in, in Eilat.

I hoped I would never have any use

for it, and besides, Israeli customs

always confiscated them, along with

the sleeping bags we had stolen from the

clotheslines of the army hostels.

I attended one drill and I nearly

threw up inside my mask, I watched

as frightened children had them strapped

on their faces by angry parents,

I never believed eyes could get so wide

and so large.

As soon as you slip the mask

on your breathing becomes audible

and it increases,

you can't help it or control it,

fear washes through your veins like

a wild blast of heroin, making you

throw up at first and then you

begin to enjoy it at last.

Red washed over my eyes and I was

forced to tear the mask off, I couldn't

take it anymore, the team leader

yelled at me and told me I was dead,

I told him to fuck off and tried to

get out of the shelter but they had

barred the doors.

I calmly sat on the concrete bench and

waited for the alarm to be lifted so I

could get the hell out of there.

The children sat there and stared at

me, asking their mothers, I assumed,

why I didn't have to wear a mask.

I also assumed that they told them

because I was a coward,

that it was my first drill,

that I was a foreigner,

who knows, but I was the butt

of all the childrens' jokes for the

rest of the day, I'm sure.

We never had a gas attack in

Israel, too close to the beach

and tourist dollars I was told,

not a good idea to kill foreigners,

I was told,

UNIFIL was also there on vacation.

MCC