LOOSE GRAVEL
The prat at the end of the
long dark hallway is beginning
to build deep black feelings inside
my soul.
I feel remorse as I worry about
what will happen if I lose
any type of control.
So much inane chatter,
threatening to make my blood boil
and fly off into an ever so
glorious rage of bitterness and
revenge.
I command my heart to stay quiet
and it obeys for now,
although I have no control over
the mouth that seeks to wreak havoc
over the stillness that could pervade.
The dream has been dead for so
long that chances for resurrection have
long since disappeared,
labeled as impossible or at least
improbable, I have attempted to move
on but still continue to get sucked
under the waves and waves of shit
that crash onto the rocks on the beach.
Always mindful of the albatross,
I perch over the scenery and feel
the hatred leak out from between my
toes, compassion rears its' ugly head
and I have trouble swallowing
the very advice I have given myself
over and over to a dead audience.
Signaling the driver I comprehend
that the bus should stop at the next
sign but the panic sets in as he does
not slow down as he gets nearer.
I can't push the buzzer again, it brings
far too much attention to myself,
I would rather walk a couple of extra
blocks than be singled out as a malcontent.
Once again I wish I were a stronger
person but I know I have failed yet
again, I walk two extra blocks in
the rain, not getting any wetter,
but suffering all the same the extra time
in the surf.
Eyes peer out at me, behind tinted
car windows and I curb the reflex
to throw a pop bottle or
cigarette butt at them, what good would
it do?
I keep my head down as I
walk and I cross the busy streets
without looking as if I were daring
people to help me and to run me over
like a stray dog. Home looms near
and I reconcile to another day, mission
accomplished, nothing more than survival and absurdity.
MCC
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