AUTO-CREATION

PM1211242

AUTO-CREATION

I worried about leaving the

house this morning, thinking

I had set off a chain of events

the night before that couldn't

be stopped or even slowed down.

A nasty look here and there,

sharp retort and a look and 

feeling of general disgust pervaded

my being, in his presence,

yet I stood firm and refused to 

feel, I refused to be drawn in

to open my mouth would be to

seal my fate,

and I have resisted for so long

that I can even imagine that I

have won the battle.

The war must be almost over

and with my removal I will only

be able to look backwards

and rue what I destroyed with my

own stubbornness and sheer

stupidity.

Look the other way and sometimes

all you will see is something worse.

I feel as though a trail of fire ants

are marching down my arm and they

are all stinging me in unison leaving

my limbs dangling and useless,

but the pain is not paralyzed.

My arm is numb but it hurts

terribly and if I could

only immerse it in ice cold water,

all the barbs from the ants would

fall out and their venom would turn 

to painkiller and I would be

saved.

The walls and ceiling are closing

in upon me and I can't

raise my arms or shield my face.

I will be crushed and as I feel

the heavy ceiling weighing slowly

down on my 

head things become clearer

and I picture myself in the

backyard of our home in

Beloeiul, they have a swimming 

pool and I see so many kids

bobbing around on the surface in

lifejackets, tethered enjoyment

with no chance of a lawsuit.

I see Coyote there and one part

of me wishes I was with him,

the dominant part of my being

is too afraid to go in the water

with that many children,

so I watch from a distance

and spit into the blades of grass.

There are "dents de leon" growing

everywhere and I can't spit on them all. 

MCC